[0011]Afterparty.

I feel like I haven't tried my best. I feel horrible. I know I can do so much more. I can do so much more. I always tell myself that, but I never do. Why is that? Why why why why why why? I can't help but be mad at myself. I let PEOPLE DOWN. How am I supposed to do Nursing when its not in my side? I don't know what to do, yet again. I probably do know what to do. Answers are in me. Its just scattered or in doubt. A downfall for me. I know feeling horrible won't do anything. Not as of right now, but I just need this horrible feeling extracted from me. Right now, I don't feel so cool, which makes it so UNcool. Saddening.

So, I guess this is my very own Lai's After Party/Thoughts. As I was on that supposedly stage tonight, I was a nervous wreck. Part of me just knew I was going to do bad. I was hitting the beginning parts so well. I guess I was overwhelmed because near the end, it was just FAIL. Should have practiced more. Should have tried harder. It was all I was saying in my head. That's regret only because I knew. Its horrible. Regret is definitely one of the worst feelings in the world. Why? Because it keeps a person from living to the fullest. That's uncool. I HAVE to live to THE FULLEST. I have to WORK. I have to EARN. Because nothings always just given. I'm sad because of that. So, to make up for such a mistake, I'm still learning "Gee" even if I don't have to. I'm going to somewhat perfect my mistakes. I always have to work to be better.

I feel a lot better that I have this written. The horrible feeling. One of the worst. One that I did work for. One that I disappointed others. It's really saddening.

On the up side. I felt special. She really makes me feel special. I would really go lesbian just for her. ;) Thus far, anyways.

I love you, Lai. I don't care if this is an infatuation. Right now, I just admire you. Admire a lot. Enough to bring me into tears.

-Love&Peace-