[0002]"I know, sometimes, it's going to rain."

Haha. Blogging online again? Seems like.

First off, I want to tell the world how lazy I am. Darn procrastination. I just want to sleep again.

Alright, so, what's been up? Me? Um..Just life. I've been getting more into fashion, I guess. Once again. I think its an off and on thing. Only, I refuse to even try getting dressed up for school since I'm always late, anyways. >_<>_<>_>;; It's pretty bad. BUT. I've been trying to save money. Lately, I've only been spending for the bus! I hope I can last the week. Hey, I am trying.

Haha. School in general = bad. Just bad. I really think I'm just going to flunk. But I won't flunk without trying. It'll be in my conscious. >_<>_<>_<>

Boyfriend. I am CONFUSED as heck with him. I love him, in some form. Sometimes, I can't help it. He just brings out THAT smile, sometimes. Other times, I feel like I really rather not be with him AT ALL. It's so confusing. I think I still want him.. I think kills me. I don't mean to play with him, but at the same time, I don't want to let go. A part of me still wants to be with him. I don't know if my feelings are being affected with him being my first. I've never gone through anything like this before.. Was I wrong this whole time? When did I start doubting? Am I supposed to doubt? Why can't I just pull through and go with it? I want to see him.. hug him.. just be with him.. What does it mean? See. Confusing, isn't it? I've decided to just let it be right now. I don't want to hurt him so much because I'm lost. I'm not THAT bad of a girlfriend! I've confronted him about this before.. We always end up in tears.. Haha. It's true, as sappy as it is. Romantic love is one of the most fragile love out there. That's what I believe. That's why it's so delicate and so hard to keep. Thing is, a lot of people want it. Ever wonder why? From my perspective.. I've learned a little why people like being in relationships so much. I used to wonder so much before. I mean, why would you want to be with someone? Have some independence! I learned I can be quite independent even while being in a relationship. I really don't rely on him all that much. We let each other be. When we see each other's flaws, we tell each other, so the other can realize his or her actions. If someone has a bad day, we have each other to go to. No matter what it is. No matter what time it is, we're here for each other. It's something I learned to love. I used to never open up to anyone about any of my inner feelings. Blogs is what I would do. Hehe. Even though it helps, it's nothing like the support of another. I consider that a friend attribute.. but when you constantly worry about someone.. Maybe that's when lines crossed. "Be my best friend forever.. No matter what.." I said something along those lines when we got together.. It's a chapter in my life that made me extremely happy.. But how about now? Does it still make me happy? I just don't know, despite all that I've learned. "Move on."

Another tragic? Tatay. He makes me sad when I see him. All my life I've lived with him, yet, I feel like I don't know him. Now, its like he's struggling and losing it. Can God make him more okay a little bit longer? I don't want my Nanay to get annoyed.. and I can't really take care of him because of school. Same with the others. We're still trying to make a living. I WANT to spend more time with them.. but not when they're suffering.. I'm sorry.. I just don't know what to do.. because, memories are something I really cherish. I just want them to be all right. Have fun. I want the world to smile. I really do. I wish I can help more.. I wish I can pursue Nursing with a much bigger will.. just so I can save more like them.. It is one of my reasons.. I wish I can pull through. God, please help these wishes become a reality?

-Love&Peace-